Leaning into my Hypocrisy

Leaninginwatermarked.jpg

Image description: H (a young man) is looking at the camera, wearing an owl hat and holding a sonic screwdriver. Text reads: Leaning into my Hypocrisy: Sometimes the things I know to be right and true, the things I aspire to, do not come easily to me in the tired-out end-of-the-day moments. Those are the times when I may not be at my best: my patience may be worn thin, and I may feel the tempting lure of what seems like a shortcut… one that ends up just making things more complex and unruly. Leah Kelley

Sometimes the things I know to be right and true, the things I aspire to, do not come easily to me in the tired-out end-of-the-day moments.

Those are the times when I may not be at my best: my patience may be worn thin, and I may feel the tempting lure of what seems like a shortcut… one that ends up just making things more complex and unruly.

Tonight was one of those nights.

I was rushing H to get to bed – and he was yelling at me for rushing him. It did not go particularly well…

But H called me on it:

I am trying to advocate for myself here. I need you to listen to me.

I am having a hard time listening because you are yelling at me and I don’t like to be yelled at.

Well, I feel I have to yell because you are not listening to my message!

Okay… let’s connect – I am listening…

You are teaching me to advocate – I want you to listen to me and hear what I am trying to tell you.

You are right. I am listening.

I don’t like it when you rush me. I feel pushed.

You are right. You don’t like to be pushed. I don’t either.

You were not listening to my feelings.

Yes, H, you are right about that too. I was listening to your tone and feeling upset that you were talking to me in an angry way.

Did I sound angry?  I didn’t mean to.

I know… and I didn’t mean to not listen. We are both learning here and I think we are getting better at this. We might make some mistakes – and that is okay… You did a great job of telling me how you are feeling. I will try to do a better job of listening.

I know there are other layers here… layers that I am only beginning to see and understand. There are depths to ableism that I do not fully see – because no matter how determined I may be to fully understand – I approach from a point of privilege.

I am developing a deeper awareness of this as well.

I get this… and yet I know I don’t… not fully.

To claim that I do would be insulting: it is not my experience – I cannot fully understand.

It has me moving more cautiously… and checking my words carefully.

Big picture… H and I concluded the exchange with both of us feeling heard and respected and understood.

I appreciate H for being patient with me… for pointing out my hypocrisy… and for second chances!

30DoA: Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote.jpg

Image: Blue background with fancy scroll pattern in lighter tone: Text reads: “Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (Watermarked 30 Days of Autism: Leah Kelley)

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30 Days of Autism is a project designed to fight stigma, promote civil rights, and increase understanding and acceptance for those who process and experience the world differently.

©Leah Kelley, Thirty Days of Autism (2014)   

About Leah Kelley

Leah Kelley, MEd., Educator, Parent, Speaker, Social Justice Activist. Writes blog: 30 Days of Autism. Projects support social understanding & neurodiversity paradigm. Co producer of documentary: Vectors of Autism. Twitter: @leah_kelley Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/leahkelley13/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/30-Days-of-Autism-Leah-Kelley/154311301315814
This entry was posted in ableism, acceptance, Advocacy, advocate, Autism, self-advocacy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Leaning into my Hypocrisy

  1. ischemgeek says:

    Go H! Honestly, I’m impressed with him. I don’t think at that age, I could’ve self-advocated so well at the end of the day. I probably would’ve ended up either losing my words or exploding. Not necessarily my parents’ fault, but being rushed when already stressed or tired (or stressed and tired!) has always been a huge meltdown trigger for me. Kudos to H!

    And, of course, kudos to you for realizing your son was communicating a need to you and accommodating accordingly. I’m certain you have a pattern of supporting him, which has a lot to do with how H feels confident to self-advocate to you even when you’re both upset and probably tired. I probably wouldn’t have even tried to self-advocate to my parents because I knew as a kid that it was pointless as they wouldn’t listen anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Sunshinebright and commented:
    Being an autistic, especially an Aspie, can be very frustrating to that person and to all around who are experiencing frustration also. This post gives a little perspective.

    Like

  3. This was an insightful look into the world of autism and their families.

    Like

  4. Deborah says:

    I am also learning that moments of stress can spotlight an opportunity to learn and grow, if I can slow down and listen. Thanks for this great example!

    Like

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