Today was not one of those days when I felt like I accomplished a whole lot.  I slept in, and then, I am embarrassed to say, I also had a nap sometime after brunch. At one point, still in his pajamas, H walked into the living-room and queried, “What kind of a day is this?”

“A lazy day… Can you tell?”

“Yup…”

I think it was past 2:00 when I finally got dressed. The boys had gone out for a swim at the Y and all was quiet in the house. I could have used this time very productively.

I made the bed.

I felt a little guilty when Craig and H got home, and I joked about being the Laziest Gal in Town (an old Cole Porter song). We sang a couple of bars together, laughed for a few more, and then Craig came to my defense. He listed the things that I had been up to lately, all changes that had taken place, and some of my accomplishments over the past year or so, and then asked rhetorically, “Does that sound lazy to you?” I appreciated his perspective, and gave myself official permission to continue on my somewhat unproductive trajectory. I relaxed.

So I guess the awareness for today is about noticing when I need to pull away from the business of the world and regroup, collect myself and prepare for another day, week, or month. We are constantly focusing on this for our children, who may be easily overwhelmed, and who may have sensory issues, attentional challenges, etc., but it is equally important for ourselves.

If I can notice the need, but then I feel like a schmuck for honouring it, I will not give myself the time I need. This is a lesson that I seem to need repeated… however, I am coming to understand that if I want to make my the most of my journey then I need to pay attention to the space and pace of others, including myself.

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30 Days of Autism is a project designed to fight stigma, promote civil rights, and increase understanding and acceptance for those who process and experience the world differently.

© Leah Kelley, Thirty Days of Autism, (2011)